I stumbled upon this perfect fit for where I am in Japan with my Japanese and my Japanese Tantra Practice: wabi sabi. The English translation of the concept seems very different from the Japanese versions of it, but somehow they explain the same thing.
I am wabi sabi without apology!
わび・さび（侘・寂）は、日本の美意識の1つ。 一般的に、質素で静かなものを指す。 本来は、侘（わび）と寂（さび）は別の概念である。 侘び・寂びというのは禅の影響で生まれた美意識であり、悟りを得るために理解すべき必要な要素である。
Wabi Sabi is Japan’s primary beauty aesthetic. Generally, pointing to suble and simplistic things, Originally Wabi and Sabi were seperate concepts, but was born from an influence of Zen Buddhism. Monks are required to master wabi sabi awareness in order to attain enlightenment. So, as it applies to my Tantra sessions conducted in my second language, I just keep it energetic and simple and the intention can be conveyed. And it always does. I always stress more than neccesary. なんとなく上手くできます。i worry excessively about the language and communicating and teaching adequately complicating things endlessly. I went on Japanese only dates on purpose from my very first months here just to start practicing as much as possible.
The English definition often speaks like this “Wabi-sabi is the beauty of things imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete, the antithesis of our classical Western notion of beauty as something perfect, enduring, and monumental.” so it seems to apply more to the way that I am approaching Japanese Tantra sessions offered to clients at a 30% discount.
My Japanese, even after living in Japan for 2.5 years is still not fluent. I can have relationships and have had jobs using primarily Japanese while I’ve been here, I’ve dated in Japanese for practice as well as completed a few Japanese Tantra sessions from people that I knew or met off of dating apps. 日本語上手ですね！初めて勉強したのは１２歳です。I started studying Japanese at the age of 12 and it has been a lifetime on again off again journey with Japanese, therefore progress is always impermanent and will never be perfect, even after fluency.
I have to embrace myself at the state of Japanese that I have to offer and hope that spirt will guide the words out of my mouth, which usualy happens during 日本語タントラ sessions. The wabi sabi concept flew out of my mouth after what seemed like 15 second thinking and wracking my brain pause during my last Japanese client session with a bilingual native Japanese man who found me from a google search. We did 3 hours for 30,000 yen and I did every element of the session in Japanese! I am so proud actually. Wabi Sabi IS my authenticity! The Tantra police and the you’re not really Japanese police both are held off with the words 侘び寂び。 侘び寂びタントラです。完璧ではない。wabi sabiTantra. There is no perfect.